


Belong

by purplebass



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Parent(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26913658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplebass/pseuds/purplebass
Summary: You’re never prepared when your parents die. As much as you imagine that day in random moments of your life, and tell yourself that you shouldn’t let it drag into the depressing imagination until it happens, it isn’t as close as the real thing. No, you’re never prepared when reality hits you right in the chest, in the place you kept the people you loved the most.A fic about the moment Will found out his parents died in Chain Of Gold. Set during the TLH timeline.
Relationships: Tessa Gray & James Herondale & Lucie Herondale & Will Herondale, Tessa Gray & Will Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16
Collections: Wessa





	Belong

You’re never prepared when your parents die. As much as you imagine that day in random moments of your life, and tell yourself that you shouldn’t let it drag into the depressing imagination until it happens, it isn’t as close as the real thing. No, you’re never prepared when reality hits you right in the chest, in the place you kept the people you loved the most.

Tessa lost her parents when she was little, but she didn’t feel the weight of their loss for the majority of her life. She had a poor recollection of her memories with her parents. Sometimes it felt like they never existed in the first place, that she was, after all, an orphan. She started realizing that she missed her father and her mother on the day she got married. How nice it would have been if her mother had been there to help her with the dress or the hair, and how symbolic to have her father accompany her down the aisle. Yet, those were just dreams, fragments of her imagination, thoughts that she had had sometimes, but not often. Truth be told, she didn’t know how it felt to lose one’s parents, but she would soon witness it.

That morning, Tessa and Will received a letter. They had just returned from a walk around Idris, and they were tired. Her feet hurt and she wanted to spend a couple of hours sitting on the sofa of the drawing room to read, or just rest. She always said that words had the power to change us, and how much of that statement was true.

She and Will had just entered their bedroom at Herondale Manor when one of the servants brought them the fateful message. She didn’t inquire as who had sent it and went to remove her hat as her husband read its contents. When she turned to ask him something, she grew concerned. He was staring at the piece of paper with a blank expression, devoid of brightness, of color. If expressions could talk with actual words, his face spelt _dead_.

“What is it?” she asked, tense, hurrying to him. She noticed his hands trembled, and he was pale, ghostly. Her own heart started pounding in her chest because of worry.

He didn’t reply instantly, which didn’t diminish her distress, but when he did, his voice was low and broken. No, it was shattered, like the sound of glass when it breaks and you stomp on it.

“They’re dead. My parents are dead, Tessa.”

When he glanced at her, her own heart collapsed for him. She could already see the tears pooling in his eyes, his fight against himself not to break down. The fight to be strong. But he lost the battle, and soon, he couldn’t keep the tears at bay anymore.

Her husband started to weep in silence against her shoulder. It wasn’t the first time she had seen him cry. He had cried several times in the past, like when James and Lucie were born. She had moved to tears as well and they had sobbed together as they held their children. But that was another type of break down. It reminded Tessa of when they were looking for something to save Jem from his fate and they went to Magnus, but he didn’t know what to do either, and Will felt hopeless and had moved to tears.

Now death was again the cause of his despair.

She helped him on the small velvet chair in front of their bed and sat down. She didn’t know what to say, she knew that anything she would tell him would be useless. She adjusted his head on her shoulder and passed her hands though his dark hair. She wanted to soothe him, to make him feel safe and loved and comforted. He hugged her and buried his head on her chest, trying to be as soundless as possible, as Tessa cradled his body as if he was a child. He let himself be cherished by her, and she could feel the strong grip of his hands on her back as she told him it was okay as she cried with him. Everything would be okay.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, but she was able to move him to the drawing room. She had sent a message to Jem, hoping he could make it so Will could recuperate. In the meantime, her husband decided that he was fine sitting on the carpet in front of the fire, his gaze fixed on the vacant, dark hearth which was empty as much as his stare.

She told him she needed to go back to their room for a moment and then she would get back to him. He simply nodded, managed a forced smile before she left, and didn’t utter a word. She was about to go downstairs when Lucie and James came to look for her. They weren’t home when they returned, because they went to their cousin’s house. They would have to know about this as well. Tessa sighed. “Lucie, James. Did you have a good time?”

“Yes, I had a lot of fun! Our cousin Christopher likes to blow things up,” Lucie said cheerfully.

“I told him he should be careful,” James added.

“I’m glad,” she replied. At least their children were happy.

They went closer to her, their expression suddenly turning serious. “Mama, has something happened? Because we went to say hi to papa and he was sitting in front of the fire with his face in his hands… and he was… crying, I think.”

“He was definitely crying, James,” Lucie commented. “Why was he crying, mama? Did you argue?”

Tessa smiled at her children’s questions. They were smart and they knew that Will never cried – at least not in front of them. “No, Lucie. We didn’t argue. But something happened, and I think you should know.”

“What is it, mama?”

“We’ve just been told that your grandpa Edmund and your grandma Linette have passed away.”

“That’s why aunt Cecily was also crying,” James admitted. “It makes me sad. I loved them.”

“Me too,” Lucie chimed in. “I’m sad that we won’t see them anymore.”

“Yes, it’s depressing,” Tessa agreed, seeing James and Lucie on the point of tears. “But we shouldn’t forget that the people we love will always be with us, in our memories. It’s true we won’t be able to see them again, but they will live in our recollection of them. Don’t you agree?” she wondered, trying to say the best thing she could think of.

“It’s true, mama,” Lucie nodded. “But now… what should we do? Should we say something to papa?”

“If you want, do it. I’m sure he’ll feel better,” Tessa agreed. Sometimes these small gestures of her children made her feel proud and want to move to tears at the same time.

“But I don’t know what to say,” James argued, lost in his thoughts. “What do you say in these occasions?”

“You tell him you love him and you give him a hug, brother,” Lucie replied fiercely.

“Good idea,” their mother nodded. “Go.”

Right after they left the bedroom, Tessa broke down in tears again.

***

Lucie and James did what they planned to do. She caught the moment right on time, and it filled her heart with joy to know how close they all were, the four of them. How Lucie and James adored their father and how they covered him with affection, always smiling at his silly jokes, and how he protected them although they were already 12 and 13 and able to look out for themselves. What Tessa saw before her eyes in that moment were two children not yet teenagers who sat down on the carpet next to their father and circled him with their innocent arms and told them they loved him. They were sad but they were there for him.

The light in their bedroom was off when she got back, and at first Tessa thought Will was already asleep. Jem had left an hour before and now it was just them. She and Jem tried to comfort him earlier, but the wound was too fresh and she was aware that he would need a couple of days in order to be relieved a bit from the pain, although she knew he would never be completely healed. He treasured his parents, and he probably wished they would have had a longer life.

Tessa took off her clothes and wore her nightgown, then slipped under the covers next to him. He lied on his side, opposite her, facing the window which overlooked Brocelind forest. She saw his back. He looked tense. Then he turned towards her. She couldn't see his eyes in the darkness, but she knew that they were deep pools of blue darkened by his current mood, and red rimmed because of the tears.

She was wrong if she thought he had finally surrendered himself to sleep after he hadn’t eaten anything at dinner, and after the whole day spent in front of the unlit fireplace with unfocused eyes. He leaned closer to her and she opened her arms so that she could embrace him as he put his head on her chest. He took one of her hands in his, and held it tight like a life line.

“Tess,” he murmured.

“Yes, Will?”

“Do you believe is there a paradise or a hell out there?”

“I honestly never thought about that,” she replied softly. If she had to be honest, she had never thought about that because she was young and she was… immortal. “Why?”

“There may be a heaven, maybe,” he told her, ignoring her question. “We are angels after all.”

“You’re right, we are,” she conceded as she passed her hand through his hair, even if she could say she was also partially drawn to hell because of her heritage, but she didn’t say it.

“I could stay with them for a long time in spite of everything,” he murmured to her some moments later. “They could meet you and Lucie and James. I would have probably died if we weren’t able to see each other anymore. At least they knew… at least they knew how much I loved them. How much I love you and the kids. They were ecstatic to meet you. They were ecstatic to meet James and Lucie. At least they saw the man I’ve become, and that I turned out well despite I was forced to leave them when I was still I child. I was Lucie’s age when I left them. I still… think about how painful all of that was for me. One time my father told me that he was proud of me. Proud that I made it. That I was happy and content and had people around me who loved me deeply.”

“And he was right,” Tessa agreed and stroked his cheek, noticing it was wet with fresh tears. “They were proud and they had every reason to be. You are the proof that everyone can turn their life if they want to, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that if we want, we can reach that light and embrace it.”

“My wife is always right,” he agreed, squeezing the side of her body with his hand.

“That’s why I married you,” she admitted, glancing at him. She could only see his forehead, but she knew he was probably trying to look at her as well.

“Because I always recognize your good sense?”

“No, silly,” she chastised him. “Even though you have to admit I’m often right and that I’m the only one who can calm you down when you’re dramatic, but this wasn’t the point. Anyway, I married you because you have a pure soul, Will. You are caring, you are sweet, you are protective. You are wise and loyal. You are transparent. And this, my dear, they also knew.”

He stayed silent for what looked like an eternity, the only sounds in the room were their breathing and the rise and fall of their chests. Will still gripped her hand and played with her fingers carelessly, as if it was an anxious habit and he couldn’t stop it. As long as he was distracted, he could play with her hand as long as he wanted.

It was going to be okay.


End file.
